Beneath the Shadows Read online

  Grace smiled, remembering the enthusiasm with which she’d decorated the London flat she’d shared with Adam – keeping most of the walls neutral, and applying careful splashes of colour to each room. Now, looking at the intricate floral patterns of the faded wallpaper and carpet, and the mismatched furniture, she had to agree with Annabel.

  ‘Well, this place will be having a makeover soon enough,’ she replied. ‘I’ve got someone coming round tomorrow to give me a quote on renovations.’ She began to explain what she was hoping to do with the cottage, but could tell that Annabel was only half listening.

  ‘Am I boring you?’ she asked after a while.

  ‘Sorry, no,’ Annabel replied. ‘I was thinking about work. It’s been manic lately. It’s good to get away, even if it’s only for the weekend. I love it, but sometimes I wonder what the hell I’m doing. I can’t wait for Christmas, I haven’t had a week off in a year.’

  ‘That’s what you get for being a high-living, cut-throat journalist,’ Grace said, rising from her seat and collecting their plates. She had a flashback to her own former busy life: how purposefully she’d marched through the tube tunnels every day clutching Styrofoam cups of coffee; her lunchtimes a breathless assortment of exercise classes; then the rush to get across town to meet friends for dinner, always somewhere new to try. The days seemed to stretch ahead of her now, endless voids of time.

  ‘Well, actually, I’m applying for a change,’ Annabel announced. ‘Hoping to move into features soon, instead of news – slightly less pressured, though not much.’

  Before Grace could reply, the grandfather clock began to chime.

  ‘Bloody hell!’ Annabel pressed a hand to her chest. ‘That thing keeps making me jump. Can you stop it?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Grace walked into the hallway and stood for a moment watching the pendulum on its steady arc from side to side. As Annabel joined her, she twisted the key on the casing, and the front panel swung open. They had a brief look inside. ‘I don’t really want to touch it in case I damage it. Adam thought it might be worth something. But I think it should stop itself in a few days – it needs winding every week. Meredith must have kept it going while I was gone.’

  ‘It does look old.’ Annabel ran her fingers along the heavy oak casing. ‘Are those pictures of places round here?’

  Grace followed Annabel’s gaze towards the clock face. The circle of roman numerals was set into a wider square, and the space in each corner had been filled by pastel paintings of rustic scenes: a bridge, a lake, a barn and a stream.

  ‘No idea,’ Grace said. It was the first time she’d paid proper attention to the motifs. There was a small figure on the bridge, looking over the side into unseen water, the face indiscernible. She didn’t know why the presence of the clock unnerved her so much, but as she regarded the pictures she shivered. ‘I’ll get it valued and shipped off in the New Year,’ she told Annabel, turning away.

  After breakfast, they settled Millie into her high chair on the landing from where she could safely view proceedings. Then, as Annabel looked on, Grace lugged the stepladder through the cottage and up the stairs. She folded it open, squeezing it into the small landing space, then took the steps slowly until she could push up the attic cover.

  Another dark space. She shone her torch around, a little wary of what might be revealed. However, as her eyes followed the hazy cylinder of light, her anxiety turned to weary realisation. More boxes. She gave up counting at a dozen, directing the torch beam into each corner, dust motes dancing wildly as she breathed in the stale musty air.

  She climbed back down. ‘I think I’ll have to get up there properly.’ She quickly tied her hair back.

  ‘I’ll hold the ladder steady,’ Annabel said, as Grace began her ascent.

  When Grace reached the top, she put her hands on the bare boards, pushed hard, and managed to pull herself into the space. Annabel handed up a large lamp attached to an extension cord, and Grace set it down beside her. ‘Look out for spiders,’ Annabel called.

  ‘Yeah, thanks for that,’ Grace muttered.

  Now she could see the space better, she was pleased to realise that there were fewer boxes than she had feared. More than a dozen, sure, but less than twenty. She crawled over the rough wooden beams to the first one. Sure enough, as she tugged at it, a long-legged creature scuttled away into a murky corner. She gritted her teeth, and hefted the box over to the manhole.

  ‘Ready?’ she called down.

  There was no answer.

  ‘Annabel?’

  Silence.

  ‘Annabel!’ she yelled. As she listened, she realised she couldn’t hear Millie either.

  ‘For God’s sake,’ she grumbled, half irritated, half worried. She turned and let her legs dangle down the hole, and was about to put her weight back on the ladder when she felt two hands go tight around her ankles. She let out a cry and clung on to the rim of the manhole.

  ‘Stop kicking!’ Annabel cried. ‘I’m trying to guide you back to the ladder, you idiot.’

  ‘Where the hell did you go?’ Grace demanded, heaving herself back into the attic space.

  ‘There was a strange noise coming from your bedroom. I was having a look, but it stopped.’

  ‘What kind of noise?’

  ‘Sounded like scratching.’

  ‘Bloody hell, don’t tell me I’ve got a mouse to deal with on top of everything else.’ Grace poked her head out of the attic, upside down. ‘Is Millie all right?’

  Millie was munching on a biscuit, but stopped, astonished at the sight of her mother’s disembodied face. ‘Boo!’ Grace said, and her heart soared at Millie’s smile, so she did it again, and again, while Annabel looked on, shaking her head. After a few repetitions Millie went back to her snack.

  ‘You’re such an idiot,’ Annabel said. ‘Are you coming down or what?’

  Grace frowned at her. ‘You don’t get off that lightly. I’ve got boxes to pass to you.’

  Annabel ran a hand over her forehead. ‘For God’s sake, Grace.’ She looked at her perfectly manicured nails and sighed. ‘Come on then.’ She held her arms out for the first one.

  Grace pushed the box to the hole in the ceiling, and had trouble fitting it through the gap.

  ‘I can’t manage that!’ Annabel shrieked.

  Grace tried to keep the exasperation from her voice. ‘Yes you can. Just step onto the ladder and balance it on the steps as you pull it down.’

  A moment later she heard Annabel cursing and the box bumping hard down the stepladder. She hoped there wasn’t some priceless antique in there. She got back across to the rest of the containers and began hauling the next one over.

  ‘How many of these are there?’ she heard Annabel call.

  ‘Just a few,’ Grace lied, but then Annabel’s head popped up into the attic space. She looked around and her face fell. ‘Oh Jesus,’ she said.

  Grace crossed her fingers and hoped her sister wasn’t about to bail on her. Annabel glared at her, eyes narrowed, and muttered, ‘There’d better be lots of wine tonight,’ as her head disappeared again.

  Grace smiled and grabbed the box closest to her. The cardboard that formed the lid had been cut into corners and folded down. As she pulled on it by one of the top flaps, it came open and she found herself looking at a handful of loose photos.

  She took them out and shone the torch on them, leafing through, stopping at one of a child sitting alone on a lounge-room floor – in the seventies, judging by the garish décor in the background. It was a young boy, his body almost side on to the camera, but his face looking directly at the lens with a surprised smile, as though someone had called his name. He was only about three or four, but there was no mistaking who it was, and Grace felt a painful stab in her chest.

  She put the photo to the back of the group she held, and looked at the next one. It was Adam again, in front of a terraced house, his arms around his mother. She wore a long dress and a headscarf, and you could see from the bony sticks of her
wrists and the cavernous spaces of her collarbones that she was frail. The cancer must have been advanced by then, Grace thought. Adam would have been around seventeen. His face and frame were thinner than Grace had known, but other than that his outward appearance hadn’t altered much over the next two decades. Her heart went out to the boy in the photograph. Only a year or so after it was taken he had been an orphan to all intents and purposes, living with his grandparents over the summer before he headed off to university.

  Her arms felt heavy as she flicked through the rest of the pictures, before she looked back at the photo of Adam and his mother. Rachel had both arms around her son, while Adam had one arm draped casually across his mother’s shoulders, his body towards the camera. What had they been feeling back then? It was impossible to tell from one photo. Or was it? For despite Rachel’s smile, she held Adam tightly, as though he were a ballast in the middle of a raging storm, and if she gripped on long enough she might secure him to her. She appeared to be a woman who knew exactly what the future held. Whereas Adam looked like an uncertain young teenager posing for a picture.

  ‘Grace, are you still alive up there?’

  She snapped out of her daydream and returned the photos to the box. She would set the personal memorabilia to one side, and sort through it all at once. She didn’t want to spend too many days sifting through painful reminders of things that were irrevocably gone.

  6

  Grace’s fingers were stiff with cold as she steered Millie’s pushchair down the hill, with Annabel trudging beside her. At the bottom, they crossed the small stone bridge and headed for the next incline. ‘This is the pub,’ Grace said as they passed a two-storey whitewashed building, its chimney puffing grey smoke into the frigid air. ‘Those are old workers’ cottages, back when they had a brickworks here.’ She pointed towards the tumbledown buildings in a row some distance away, and then indicated the hill ahead of them. ‘Meredith lives in the house up there.’

  They could just make out high grey-stone walls. ‘You didn’t tell me we were lunching with the lady of the manor,’ Annabel said. They began the climb towards it, Grace’s arms straining from the effort as she pushed Millie ahead of her. As they drew near, the house towered above them. It was set back from the road at the end of a short gravel driveway, and formed an L-shape, a single-storey building to their left abutting the double-storey house. Four large sash windows were visible at the front, set out in a square, while trailing ivy had formed an arch over the door. A pristine burgundy four-wheel drive was parked by the entrance.

  ‘This place is impressive,’ Annabel said as they reached the drive. ‘Why do you think they built it here, on its own?’

  Before Grace could reply, a frantic barking began from inside. The door swung open and Grace found herself staring into Meredith’s steely grey eyes. Grace was about to speak, when a large black dog bounded out from behind Meredith and launched itself at her.

  ‘Pippa, come here,’ Meredith commanded, and Grace watched in admiration as the dog immediately scampered back to her owner. Meredith took hold of Pippa’s collar and guided her inside, then reappeared a moment later and held the door open for them. She stood straight-backed, as though she had learned to balance a pile of books on her head at a young age and had never forgotten the pose. She hadn’t gone for the looser soft perms popular with the older women Grace knew; instead, her hair was close-cropped to her head in a pixie-style, and it suited her, highlighting her bone structure, strong lines that would never change underneath the creases of her pale skin.

  ‘Hello Meredith,’ Grace said, her warm smile fading a little as Meredith studied her. Grace was sure that on previous occasions Meredith had been affable, but the woman before them exuded a polite coolness, little more. Don’t judge her too hastily, she chided herself. Remember, she’s recently lost her husband. She felt a surge of empathy.

  ‘Hello, Grace, it’s nice to see you again,’ Meredith replied, holding out a hand and shaking with a strong, firm grip.

  ‘This is Annabel,’ Grace said, as they also shook hands.

  Meredith glanced at the pushchair. ‘And this must be Millie.’ She knelt down to look under the shade. ‘Hello, little miss.’ Then she straightened again. ‘Well, come on in.’

  They were shown along a hallway, past a wide staircase and a few closed doors, before they finally walked into a vast, high-ceilinged room. ‘Wow,’ Annabel breathed, echoing Grace’s reaction.

  In the centre, a huge square table was set for lunch, silver and glassware shining atop a pristine cream tablecloth. A three-piece burgundy leather suite was arranged in one corner, and the furniture was all a matching, gleaming mahogany. But what had really caught their attention was the vast picture window that ran from ceiling to floor on one side, framing a panoramic vista. Before them lay an endless tract of moorland, the unbroken stretch of earth drawing the eye further and further away in search of focus. There was little to find except for the occasional thicket, or the odd solitary tree standing sentinel. Without buildings to obscure it, the sky made up the larger part of the picture, and today it was a cloud-spattered backdrop of washed-out blue.

  ‘We had the window put in over a decade ago, when we did some major work on the house.’ Meredith had followed their captivated stares. ‘When the heather is out in the autumn, the whole landscape turns a royal purple – it’s quite a sight. Well, come and have a seat at the table. I’m afraid I don’t have a high chair…’

  ‘Oh, no problem.’ Grace looked over at Millie. ‘She’ll be asleep for a while, I think.’ She took in the smell of roasting meat, and her mouth began to water. ‘Can we do anything to help?’

  Annabel set a bottle of red wine in the middle of the table. ‘We brought this. Would you like me to pour?’ She set about opening the bottle, while Grace marvelled at how easily Annabel made herself at home wherever she was.

  Meredith was heading out of the room. ‘Thank you. I’ll just go and check on lunch.’

  While they waited, Grace guided the pushchair into a corner and took a seat at the table. It was set for four, glinting silver cutlery laid out in perfect symmetry, next to side dishes that featured a delicate motif of apples and oranges. Annabel took Grace’s glass and poured her a generous amount of red wine, as Meredith returned from the kitchen bearing a tray of Yorkshire puddings the size of dinner plates.

  ‘In Yorkshire we always serve the puddings first.’ She used a pair of tongs to put a pudding on each of their plates. ‘Claire should be down in a minute.’

  ‘She said she was living here at the moment?’ Grace asked, as she accepted the large jug of steaming gravy Meredith held out.

  ‘Yes,’ Meredith replied as she sat down. ‘She’s been on her gap year for as long as I can remember. It seems holidaying is her occupation, and work is what she does to fill the time in between.’

  ‘It’s not holidaying, Mum,’ Claire said merrily as she entered the room. ‘It’s seeing the world. And I work while I’m away too, you know.’ She came and took her place at the table. ‘Hi Grace,’ she said, without waiting for her mother’s response. ‘And you must be Grace’s sister. Annabel, is it?’

  Grace tucked into her pudding as she listened to the introductions. ‘These are delicious, Meredith.’

  ‘Mum’s been making them since time began.’ Claire looked fondly at her mother. ‘She’s got it down to a fine art. She may not sound like a Yorkshirewoman, but she definitely cooks like one.’

  Meredith gave her daughter a wry glance, then turned to Grace and Annabel. ‘My father’s side is Yorkshire through and through, but the war changed things here. He went down to London during his conscription, and brought my mother back with him. She loved the countryside, but wasn’t so keen on the accent. She worked hard to make sure I spoke “the Queen’s English”, as she used to say. She did the same to all the children she taught, caused a few rifts with the locals around here.’

  ‘My father built the schoolroom,’ Claire explained. ‘The long buil
ding on the left as you come towards the house. There’s quite a history to this place.’

  ‘Did you go to the school here when you were a child?’ Annabel asked Meredith.

  ‘Yes, when I was small. When I got older I went to Ockton.’

  ‘And what was it like, having the school on your doorstep?’

  ‘Not much fun, actually. My mother didn’t want anyone to think she was favouring me, so she was horribly strict – she came down on me much harder than the other children. She wasn’t averse to using a cane.’

  Meredith’s tone didn’t invite further questions, and an uneasy silence fell while everyone finished their puddings. As Grace laid down her knife and fork, her gaze was drawn to the mantelpiece opposite, which was full of photo frames. Claire saw that something had caught her attention and twisted around to look.

  ‘That’s an old school photo of me and my sisters,’ she said, getting up to collect one of the larger pictures, and passing it over for Grace to see.

  The colours of the photograph had faded. Grace looked at the four brunettes in school uniform, their similar elfish faces, three of them with long hair, one sporting a back-combed crop with red streaks through it.

  ‘That’s me,’ Claire chuckled, leaning over and pointing to the short-haired girl. ‘I thought my hairstyle was brilliant. And Mum loved it too, didn’t you, Mum?’

  Meredith snorted as she began collecting their plates.

  Annabel moved closer to look. ‘That’s Veronica,’ Claire said, her finger resting on the tallest girl at the back of the group, who was posing confidently. ‘The oldest, and the bossiest. Always was, and still is. Married to Steve the solicitor now, with three boys, lives a very respectable life in Ockton.’ She motioned to the girl next to Veronica with wavy dark hair and a shy smile. ‘Next to her is Elizabeth. Liza for short. She’s a year younger than me. Moved down to Leeds eighteen months ago when her husband Dan changed jobs. They’ve got a baby on the way. And then there’s Jenny -’ She pointed to a sweet-looking girl with flame-red hair, sitting at the front of the group. ‘She’s the baby – though she turned thirty this year so I don’t think I can say that any more. She’s only recently moved back to the area after spending ten years working down south. She teaches at a primary school – she’s crazy about kids, that one. She’s had some rough luck with relationships, but she’s just started seeing someone, so I’m told, which means I’m the only one left on the shelf.’